OURTWOMOSTCOMMONwaysoftryingtoaddressourtoughestsocialchallengesaretheextremeones:aggressivewarandsubmissivepeace.Neitherofthesewaysworks.Wecantry,usingourgunsormoneyorvotes,topushthroughwhatwewant,regardlessofwhatotherswant-butinevitablytheotherspushback.Orwecantrynottopushanythingonanyone-butthatleavesoursituationjustasitis.

    Theseextremewaysareextremelycommon,onallscales.Oneonone,wecanbepushyorconflictaverse.Atwork,wecanbebossyor"goalongtogetalong."Inourcommunities,wecansetthingsupsothattheyarethewaywewantthemtobe,orwecanabdicate.Innationalaffairs,wecanmakedealstogetourway,orwecanletothershavetheirway.Ininternationalrelations-whetherthechallengeisclimatechangeortraderulesorpeaceintheMiddleEast-wecantrytoimposeoursolutionsoneveryoneelse,orwecannegotiateendlessly.Theseextreme,commonwaysoftryingtoaddressourtoughestsocialchallengesusuallyfail,leavingusstuckandinpain.Therearemanyexceptionstothesegeneralizationsabouttheprevalenceoftheseextremeways,butthefactthattheseareexceptionsprovesthegeneralrule.Weneed-andmanypeopleareworkingondeveloping-different,uncommonwaysofaddressingsocialchallenges:waysbeyondthesedegenerativeformsofwarandpeace.

    AcharacterinRent,JonathanLarson'sBroadwaymusicalaboutstrugglingartistsandmusiciansinNewYorkCity,says,"Theoppositeofwarisn'tpeace,it'screation!"[1]Toaddressourtoughestsocialchallenges,weneedawaythatisneitherwarnorpeace,butcollectivecreation.Howcanweco-createnewsocialrealities?

    TWOFUNDAMENTALDRIVES

    Toco-createnewsocialrealities,wehavetoworkwithtwodistinctfundamentalforcesthatareintension:powerandlove.Thisassertionrequiresanexplanationbecausethewords"power"and"love"aredefinedbysomanydifferentpeopleinsomanydifferentways.InthisbookIusetwounusualdefinitionsofpowerandlovesuggestedbytheologianandphilosopherPaulTillich.Hisdefinitionsareontological:theydealwithwhatandwhypowerandloveare,ratherthanwhattheyenableorproduce.Iusethesedefinitionsbecausetheyringtruewithmyexperienceofwhatinpracticeisrequiredtoaddresstoughchallengesatalllevels:individual,group,community,society.

    Tillichdefinespoweras"thedriveofeverythinglivingtorealizeitself,withincreasingintensityandextensity."Sopowerinthissenseisthedrivetoachieveone'spurpose,togetone'sjobdone,togrow.Hedefinesloveas"thedrivetowardstheunityoftheseparated."[2]Soloveinthissenseisthedrivetoreconnectandmakewholethatwhichhasbecomeorappearsfragmented.Thesetwowaysoflookingatpowerandlove,ratherthanthemorecommonideasofoppressivepowerandromanticlove(representedonthecoverbythegrenadeandtherose),areatthecoreofthisbook.

    OURFULLWORLD

    Wecannotaddressourtoughchallengesonlythroughdrivingtowardsself-realizationoronlythroughdrivingtowardsunity.Weneedtodoboth.Oftenweassumethatallittakestocreatesomethingnew-whetherinbusinessorpoliticsortechnologyorart-ispurposefulnessorpower.Thisisbecauseweoftenassumethatthecontextinwhichwecreateisanemptyworld:anopenfrontier,awhitespace,ablankcanvas.Ingeneralthisassumptionisincorrect.

    Let'slookatahistoricalexample.In1788,BritishsettlersarrivedinAustraliaandencounteredtheindigenouspeoplewhohadarrived40,000yearsearlier.Thishistoryillustratesnotonlythecourageandentrepreneurialismofpeoplewillingtotravelacrosstheglobetocreateanewsocialreality,butalsothehumanandecologicaldevastationthatthispioneeringmind-setcanproduce.Formorethantwocenturies,theconflictbetweensettlersandaboriginalpeoplesinAustraliawasframedintermsofthedoctrineofterranullius,aRomanlegaltermthatmeans"landbelongingtonoone,"or"emptyland."Itwasnotuntil1992thattheHighCourtofAustraliaruledthatthecontinenthadinfactneverbeenterranullius,andthatthemodern-daysettlershadtoworkoutanewwayoflivingtogetherwiththeaboriginalpeople.

    Noneofuslivesinterranullius.Wecanpretendthatourworldisempty,butitisnot.Ourearthisincreasinglyfullofpeopleandbuildingsandcarsandpilesofgarbage.Ouratmosphereisincreasinglyfullofcarbondioxide.Oursocietyisincreasinglyfullofdiverse,strong,competingvoicesandideasandcultures.Thisfullnessisthefundamentalreasonwhy,inordertoaddressourtoughestsocialchallenges,weneedtoemploynotonlypowerbutalsolove.

    Achallengeistoughwhenitiscomplexinthreeways.[3]Achallengeisdynamicallycomplexwhencauseandeffectareinterdependentandfarapartinspaceandtime;suchchallengescannotsuccessfullybeaddressedpiecebypiece,butonlybyseeingthesystemasawhole.Achallengeissociallycomplexwhentheactorsinvolvedhavedifferentperspectivesandinterests;suchchallengescannotsuccessfullybeaddressedbyexpertsorauthorities,butonlywiththeengagementoftheactorsthemselves.Andachallengeisgenerativelycomplexwhenitsfutureisfundamentallyunfamiliarandundetermined;suchchallengescannotsuccessfullybeaddressedbyapplying"bestpractice"solutionsfromthepast,butonlybygrowingnew,"nextpractice"solutions.

    Thefullnessofourworldproducesthisthreefoldcomplexity.Wecanpretendthatweareindependentandthatwhatwedodoesnotaffectothers(andwhatothersdodoesnotaffectus),butthisisnottrue.Wecanpretendthateverybodyseesthingsthesameway,orthatourdifferencescanberesolvedpurelythroughmarketorpoliticalorlegalcompetition,butthisisnottrue.Andwecanpretendthatwecandothingsthewaywealwayshave,orthatwecanfirstfigureoutandthenexecutethecorrectanswer,butthisisnottrue.

    Whenwepretendthatourworldisemptyratherthanfull,andthatourchallengesaresimpleratherthancomplex,wegetstuck.Ifwewanttogetunstuck,weneedtoacknowledgeourinterdependence,cooperate,andfeelourwayforward.Weneedthereforetoemploynotonlyourpowerbutalsoourlove.Ifthissoundseasy,itisnot.Itisdifficultanddangerous.

    TWOPITFALLS

    Powerandlovearedifficulttoworkwithbecauseeachofthemhastwosides.Powerhasagenerativesideandadegenerativeside,and-lessobviously-lovealsohasagenerativesideandadegenerativeside.FeministscholarPaolaMelchioripointedouttomethatwecanseethesetwosetsoftwosidesifwelookathistoricallyconstructedgenderroles.Thefather,embodyingmasculinepower,goesouttowork,todohisjob.Thegenerativesideofhispoweristhathecancreatesomethingvaluableintheworld.Thedegenerativesideofhispoweristhathecanbecomesofocusedonhisworkthathedenieshisconnectiontohiscolleaguesandfamily,andsobecomesarobotoratyrant.

    Themother,bycontrast,embodyingfemininelove,staysathometoraisethechildren.Thegenerativesideofherloveisthatshegiveslife,literallytoherchildandfigurativelytoherwholefamily.Thedegenerativesideofherloveisthatshecanbecomesoidentifiedwithandembracingofherchildandfamilythatshedeniestheirandespeciallyherownneedforself-realization,andsostuntstheirandherowngrowth.[4]

    Loveiswhatmakespowergenerativeinsteadofdegenerative.Poweriswhatmakeslovegenerativeinsteadofdegenerative.Powerandlovearethereforeexactlycomplementary.Inorderforeachtoachieveitsfullpotential,itneedstheother.Justastheterranulliusperspectiveoffocusingonlyonpowerisanerror,sotooisthepopperspectivethat"allyouneedislove."

    PsychologistRolloMay,afriendofPaulTillich,warnedofthedangersofdisconnectingpower(whichhereferredtoas"will")fromlove."Loveandwill,"hewrote,"areinterdependentandbelongtogether.Bothareconjunctiveprocessesofbeing-areachingouttoinfluenceothers,molding,forming,creatingtheconsciousnessoftheother.Butthisisonlypossible,inaninnersense,ifoneopensoneselfatthesametimetotheinfluenceoftheother.Willwithoutlovebecomesmanipulationandlovewithoutwillbecomessentimental.Thebottomthendropsoutoftheconjunctiveemotionsandprocesses."[5]May'sconjunctiveprocessesalsooperateonasociallevel,andwecaneffectnonviolentsocialchangeonlyifwecanengagebothourpowerandourlove.

    Oneofthegreatestpractitionersofnonviolentsocialchange,MartinLutherKingJr.,wasbothapracticalactivistandaspiritualleader.Hedemonstratedawayofaddressingtoughsocialchallengesthatwentbeyondaggressivewarandsubmissivepeace,therebycontributingtothecreationofnewsocialrealitiesintheUnitedStatesandaroundtheworld.InhislastpresidentialspeechtotheSouthernChristianLeadershipConference,King-drawingonhisdoctoralstudiesofTillich'swork-emphasizedtheessentialcomplementaritybetweenpowerandlove.[6]"Powerwithoutloveisrecklessandabusive,"Kingsaid,"andlovewithoutpowerissentimentalandanemic."[7]

    MyownexperienceofthepasttwentyyearsentirelybearsoutKing'sanalysis.Powerwithoutloveisrecklessandabusive.Ifthoseofusengagedinsocialchangeacttorealizeourselveswithoutrecognizingthatweandothersareinterdependent,theresultwillatbestbeinsensitiveandatworst,oppressiveorevengenocidal.Andlovewithoutpowerissentimentalandanemic.Ifwerecognizeourinterdependenceandacttounifywithothers,butdosoinawaythathobblesourownorothers'growth,theresultwillatbestbeineffectualandatworst,deceitfullyreinforcingofthestatusquo.

    Powerwithoutloveproducesscorched-earthwarthatdestroyseverythingweholddear.Lovewithoutpowerproduceslifelesspeacethatleavesusstuckinplace.Bothoftheseareterribleoutcomes.Weneedtofindabetterway.

    Inhisspeech,Kingwentontosay,"Thiscollisionofimmoralpowerwithpowerlessmoralityconstitutesthemajorcrisisofourtime."[8]Thiscollisioncontinuesbecauseourpolarizationofpowerandlovecontinues.Inoursocietiesandcommunitiesandorganizations,andwithineachofus,weusuallyfinda"powercamp,"whichpaysattentiontointerestsanddifferences,anda"lovecamp,"whichpaysattentiontoconnectionsandcommonalities.Thecollisionbetweenthesetwocamps-intheworldsofbusiness,politics,andsocialchange,amongothers-impedesourabilitytomakeprogressonourtoughestsocialchallenges.

    ANIMPERATIVE

    Powerandlovestandatrightanglesanddelineatethespaceofsocialchange.Ifwewanttogetunstuckandtomovearoundthisspace-ifwewanttoaddressourtoughestchallenges-wemustunderstandandworkwithbothofthesedrives.

    Ratherthanachoicetobemadeonewayoranother,powerandloveconstituteapermanentdilemmathatmustbereconciledcontinuouslyandcreatively.Thisreconciliationiseasyintheorybuthardinpractice.CarlJungdoubtedwhetheritwasevenpossibleforthesetwodrivestocoexistinthesameperson:"Wherelovereigns,thereisnowilltopower;andwherethewillpowerisparamount,loveislacking.Theoneisbuttheshadowoftheother."[9]HisstudentRobertJohnsonsaid,"Probablythemosttroublesomepairofoppositesthatwecantrytoreconcileisloveandpower.Ourmodernworldistorntoshredsbythisdichotomy,andonefindsmanymorefailuresthansuccessesintheattempttoreconcilethem."[10]

    Ihaveseenmanyexamplesofrecklessandabusivepowerwithoutlove,andmanyexamplesofsentimentalandanemiclovewithoutpower.Ihaveseenfarfewerexamplesofpowerwithlove.Toofewofusarecapableofemployingpowerwithlove.Moreofusneedtolearn.

    Ifwearetosucceedinco-creatingnewsocialrealities,wecannotchoosebetweenpowerandlove.Wemustchooseboth.Thisbookexploreshow.